The Mid-August Celebrations

Well, the big news for August, as usual, for me..is MY BIRTHDAY. Happens every year. This year is different. This year, I'm counting backwards. I turned 30 last year. Dirty Thirty. Its a sexy age. 31? where's your wife and kids? and lawn mower (i still want to get me one of those - as soon as I get some lawn). Anyway, 31 is not a functional or sociable age to be single. 31 in SE Asia AND single? dirt stinky pervy old sod! SHAME on YOU!! Might as well go and marry a bar-girl.. thats what the worlds expecting you to do at that age and single. . probably would, if she could help me get the lawn-mower and grass.

Nononono 31 will never do. Its too old, too wise, it should know better. I'm turning 29 this year. I'll keep counting down until its not convincing anymore, then I'll try plastic surgery.. or the bar-girl... or maybe just the lawn mower.. well at least the lawn.

So enough silliness. Its time I came up with the goods, and told you what actually happened. First of all, I must say that I am quite surprised at how important a mark my Vietnamese friends and workmates thought the day was. I always thought that a lot of asian cultures did not bother much with birthdays. However, EVERYONE in Vietnam seemed to know about my birthday. I got text messages from people starting at 12 midnight. Even from people I only met a few times, and hadnt spoken to in ages!

The work guys took me to lunch twice and got me full of nice food and drink. Once on the saturday previous, and then on the following monday. After Saturdays lunch, they took me to Karaoke to sing some songs. Of course usually I hate karaoke, but it was nice of them to think of me, so I had a good time. I sang the Beattles and Bon Jovi. Its a little retarded, because they only have mass produced electronic music as the background, but I rocked it up a bit to compensate. Im not sure what the guys thought about that, they are very modest when they sing, and always sit down. Not me. Its show time~! when I sing.

A note on Karaoke. Karaoke with tonal languages can be incredibly difficult. Its quite hard to match the tones of the individual words to the melody of the song. And if you cant do it, then things become very unpleasant. I remember reading Douglass Adams "The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy". Early in the book, he discusses the poetry of the Alien Vogons. He describes listening to this poetry as being one of the universes most horrible and torturous experiences. Tonal Karoake, done badly, is Earths real life answer to that fictional hell.

Fortunately, the guys from work sing ok.

It gets better, they ALSO took me shopping! and bought me a shirt and some jeans. That was really sweet. I do however, have incredibly bad dress sense, so they might have been doing it for their own benefit. Either way, I was very grateful. I havent managed to buy any new clothes since I've been here, primarily because even the XXXL size hardly fits me! I CERTAINLY can't find shoes here. There are streets FILLED with shoe shops, and not a single pair is big enough for me. I'm stil wearing the same crappy rubber thongs I wore here on my first day. They do not match the new work clothes my friends bought for me!

Finally, on sunday, the 13th, the actual day, I had an second big effort. I did a honky trick, and went bowling with a whole bunch of other foriegners. I actually didnt think many would turn up, I always thought that lot hated me for some reason. That was fun. Interestingly, I pulled of another of my remarkable stunts, and lost my keys. Meaning I had to walk home. IT took about 2 hrs.

The walk home was not a total loss. The route home goes through some of Hanoi's newest and quite expensive areas. Its the area that this years APEC meeting will be held. Theres a lot of construction going on. Very unlike the rest of Hanoi, it has long broad staight avenues, with large grassed traffic islands. Also, there are still quite inviting corridors of natural vegetation - or at least weeds and cleared land - for local wildlife to wander through. The traffic islands I discovered are quite a lucrative grazing area for a number of the local buffaloes.

In the twilight, I saw a sizeable herd of about 20 beasts, munching away on the lush green grass, and crimping off huge buffo-turds while roaming to their fancy. This picture was framed by two streams of brightly-lit motorised Vietnamese hurtling past on either side. It was quite a spectacle. I hope the buffaloes are still there when John Howard gets to town, its not much, but a small "Farmers Protest" would open the meeting nicely.

August cometh.

So August dawns... kinda hard to believe that I've been here a little over four months. I have finally relaxed after my adjustment fits, and I must say, I'm begining to like the place.

I just spent 3 weeks on Cat Ba island, which is absolutely gorgeous. Its a bit like living on the movie set of "Jurassic Park", except theres no dinosaurs and its the people with the outrageous diets. I ate seafood, breakfast lunch and dinner every day for the first 9 or 10 days, after that, we moved onto, dogs, tree rats, frogs, rabbits, goats blood with peanuts and giblets etc. I did not have the opportunity to try anything too weird, but ate so much that I was 5 kilo's heavier when I returned.

Also, aside from the lack of dinosaurs and great food, theres a few beaches, loaded with Vietnamese tourists, all doggy paddling in the shallows of the surf. The girls are gorgeous, but havent cottoned onto the idea of a "hot bikini" which kinda makes it look like a "mum and baby" parade. Its all kiddy stuff.. which works fine for any uncle pervy lurking about in his speedos.

And in addition theres the odd spite ridden local, who'll try and shaft any westerner a 4000% dmarkup, like charging 10$ US for 20 minutes on the internet. And of course, they'll throw in a free-of-charge "f@ck you Tay!", as a courtesy. Thats always funny.

As far as work goes, I didnt do too much. Spent most of the time relaxing and brushing up on my Vietnamese language. We were in the National Park, which is well inland. Food was REALLY good, and only 18,000 VND per meal. The park rangers were pretty nice guys, and taught me a lot of swear words. hehe.

So returning to hanoi was a bit of a shock. Cat Ba is very quiet and relaxed. Its pretty sweet, like most of rural Vietnam. Hanoi isnt. I got food poisoning only one day back!! I thought it was a virus. It was recommended that I get a blood screen for malaria, just in case.. then they put me in a hospital bed for the day! I have holes all through my arm, from the injections and drug therapy!

Officially, My assignment here finishes in just 4 months, but I can extend it by 4 months, and of course there are other options to stay a lot longer. I need to formulate my plan, will I make my own project and stay here another 2 years? or will I go home, get married, get fat, and mow the lawn? (I AM begining to miss a nice green lawn, actually...) I need to polish up my vietnamese language. Its good, but people think I'm quite rude, because unlike English, you cant use tones to sound polite with Vietnamese, so my Vietnamese is quite short and abrupt.

Also, I need to start French, and i need to stop spending so much money, and I need a girlfriend, and I need to lose a cupla kilo's, and get bigger muscles, and get my hair cut, and tuck my shirt in ocasionally, and remember to wash behind the ears, and stop picking my nose and showing it to people... and I need to make sure I wear clean underwear everyday, what if I'm in a car accident, and at the hospital, all the doctors and nurses see I dont have clean underwear?!

..I guess this means I'm run out of intelligent and meaningful things to say.. so siexure round folks!! There'll be a few pics in the next post.